Imagine you get married overseas, in March (a year later) your spouse comes to live with you in the United States, you're pregnant by April and you give birth in September!
Now, I don't know if your following me or not but that doesn't even sound like I was pregnant for 9 months, because I wasn't. Well, to be exact, I was 7 months and 1 day pregnant when I gave birth to my daughter who weighed in at 1lb 13oz. As you could imagine, I was shocked, scared and devastated- what began as a splitting headache, ended up as Toxemia and my life changed before my eyes. Welcoming a baby into the world is supposed to be a joyous experience but our experience was filled with questions and fear. She was my first child, I had an emergency c-section and everything I planned for our beginning faded like a good dream. I went from being so close to the finish line to being forced to start all over again. After I got over the shock of what actually happened to me/us; high blood pressure, that turned into Preeclampsia, that spiked to Toxemia- I realized it was time to get to work, to get us all together (again). I had no idea what was ahead of us, I cried more than I thought I ever could- my child was fighting for her life (getting stronger by the day) and fighting for her right to be here and I was doing what I could and that was pumping milk like Betsy the Cow (that's all I could do). I played my role; I sat by her incubator, I asked questions, I pumped milk, went home, washed up, pumped more milk, went back to the hospital and that was my routine for a very long time. I remember asking my friend, when she came to visit her, what she thought- she said, "She looks like she should still be inside you..." It was better than saying what I thought she would say (honestly) because when I first saw her, I threw up! I had to adjust (a lot) to my reality and it was then that things began to change. I started to recognize the miracle that God bestowed on our family and the fight in my child that could only come from God (not to mention her parents). We did the best we could supporting her along the way until we were able to bring her home, 63 days later. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but leaving your child in the hospital after you give birth (or any time)- when you know you know you should be going home together is the most gut-wrenching experience EVER but bringing her home was the most joyous experience EVER. I'll never forget that day, unfortunately my spouse didn't have his license like we dreamed prior to me giving birth, so he's sitting in the backseat with her and I'm driving them home- looking in the rear view mirror like, "What is she doing????" Luckily, it wasn't long after that he did get his license. Getting home was big for us, but the journey didn't end there. Like most preemies, they have a lot of catching up to do, their bodies still need to mature etc., our daughter came home on oxygen- like we literally had an oxygen tank in our house, with tubes so long I could jump double dutch with my neighbor across the street, just imagine giving an infant a bath with oxygen strapped to her face (scary)! But just as her being in the hospital came to an end so did wearing the oxygen tubes. As happy as we were to check things off the "Preemie List" there was always something added- we dealt with low iron, jaundice, asthma, asthma and asthma, hospital stays, blood transfusions, steroids (you name it)...but the great thing is- it all comes to an end and what started out as a situation full of fear quickly turned to pure joy- she did what every other little kid her age did and does (today). If someone would have told be 10 years from now, you wouldn't even think about this- I would've laughed, but it's true. I will never forget her entrance into this world but we've moved on because we've grown through the experience. No one ever walks into a situation like this knowing what to do, most women do everything they can to avoid a situation like ours. However, if you do happen to be in a situation where your child will be born early or has recently entered the world prior to being "full term" just know you're not alone and here are some tips to help you grow through it!
1. Write It Down. Grab a journal and start documenting, document everything. Sometimes it's hard to see progress when you're not seeing what it is you want right away, but everyday your child is breathing is progress. Jot down he/she opened their eyes today, drank an oz of milk without throwing up or no longer needs the heating lamp- it all matters and it makes you feel closer to going home together.
2. Stay Involved. I remember beating myself up about not knowing what was going on with my child and my mother said, "If you don't feel included, ask questions!" It's important that you are involved, it is your child. Ask how many CC's of milk they are drinking, ask about wet diapers, ask when you can start kangarooing- when they see you involved they know you are knowledgeable and well prepared to care for your child when it is time for them to come home, not to mention you know what's going on now.
3. PUMP UP THE JAM (well, milk). At the time, I knew it was the write thing to do, mainly because my breast were huge. No, I seriously thought about selling my milk! I made so much milk (pumped, stored or froze) that my daughter never needed supplemental milk while in the NICU or months after she came home #FACTS I don't need to explain why it's important, but I will say this, a women's body knows what the baby needs. Your body will create what the baby needs and I believe that like I believe my address! Your milk is liquid gold (don't drop it), pump as often as you can and make sure that your child is getting the best that you can offer. If you are having difficulty producing milk, seek assistance on learning techniques on how to produce more milk, when my daughter was in the hospital it was FREE!
4. Support. Support March of Dimes, they are conducting research to improve the care of Preemies and their families- what they do matters and helps families!
Believe me when I say it gets better. Doctors first told us all the things that could happen because she was born so early and thank GOD none of those things even happened. Preemies are little fighters, and you have to fight too! Know that they are doing the best they can and that they will catch up to where they are supposed to be (in due time). My mother gave me a little turtle when my daughter was born, she said think about the baby turtles that hatch a distance from the ocean. They step one foot in front of the other, step by step, slow and steady- until they reach their destination and they get there! You'll get there, you're preemie will get there, slow and steady! Look at my little turtle now...
Trust the process...
