When I was a kid, I can't say that I received a lot of whoopins (spelled correctly, spell check!). My parents were definitely respected, so they didn't have to raise their hand to me or my siblings much, however did they yell at us? YES! Now as a parent myself, I find myself resisting from raising my hand and taking the lighter approach of raising my voice (so I thought). Is it working, yes and no. When I start yelling they definitely stop what I want them to stop doing, they also are listening because they are reading my body language trying to determine what's next- typically, "Now get away from me!" honestly that is as bad as it gets. My husband, is the same way- I don't think he's EVER spanked our kids- never ever (he's African- they yell, a lot! LMAO). At the end of the day who really wants to spank their kids to teach a lesson? no one. So, honestly to deter from doing something we don't enjoy doing, we've chosen to raise our voice but here's what I've learned- that doesn't completely work either. When we raise our voices at them they internalize that as the way to communicate when frustrated or when desiring/demanding someone to do what want they want them to do. So, instead of me watching Scandal peacefully I'm yelling at them for yelling at each other - deadly cycle & I've missed (another) really good episode.
Fast Forward...I am in the car having that, "What do we do to avoid from yelling at our kids now?" conversation with myself, only to get to work and start my morning scroll on Yahoo to find an article that discussed the negative impacts of yelling at your child. Maybe it was GOD or maybe just a coincidence, but here's what it said:
1. Low self-esteem
2. Aggression
3. Fear
4. Concentration Problems
No bueno, I don't want my kids feeling this way! And I get it we all get frustrated sometimes, nobodies perfect, I probably will yell at them when I stop typing this but this form of discipline should not be the most commonly used tatic when trying to reach our children (I'm learning). So, what does the article suggest we parents do when rearing our children who are being flat our defiant and stubborn, here's what it said:
1st. State you position.
2nd. Give choices.
3rd. Defuse the situation with humor.
For my children and their development- I'll give it a shot, so if you see me in the corner shaking- just know I haven't yelled in a couple of days and it's pure withdraws. No, seriously- this is doable and it will help them too when it comes to communicating with others. So, are you up for doing something like this? Are you a yeller or a spanker? #nojudgementzone
As always, thanks for starting your workweek with me!
Normal Black Chic
p.s. here's the link to the article