At the time it didn't make sense, because I loved her so much but I never understood why she would tell me that she wasn't my friend growing up. I wanted her to be my friend, I wanted that relationship that I thought I saw my other friends having or saying that they had with their mothers, you know- "I can tell my mom anything" type of relationship. Mind you this type of saying/conversation was mostly had in Middle School and High School between us two, however, as I reflect back on that time in my life I can (now) say, "Thank You" to my mom- I get it, we weren't meant to be friends then. At the time, when she was raising me there was a lot going on in our lives, so there was a need to establish boundaries and respect. I felt like I could talk to her but there were definitely ways to approach a conversation- phrases like, "Hey....Let me tell you....Listen to me.....You don't listen to me...." were never used! On the flip side I didn't need to, she knew me soo well; she knew what I was doing before I understood what I was getting myself into and life a Fairy Godmother she'd fix it. My mother was raised ol' school and she raised her children the same way. I am sure the way I am raising my children now is not her style, but she gives me the room to grow without making me feel wrong because now I can tell her anything. There is definitely a time for mothers and daughters to have an awesome friendship, I look forward to the day, years from now when my daughter and I are laughing at our own girl talk but I also need her to know that right now, I am teaching her the rules and lessons to aid her in navigating through life- I get it, she may not like me or understand me sometimes but I am trying to instill a level of discipline and independence that can only be fully comprehended through me modeling the expectation. Does this have to be done with a stern voice, 1 way communication and a list of rules?- No, but yes...sometimes...and if I do it right- with respect, not anger, our friendship will inevitably blossom into a bond unlike any deep friendship I've seen or know. I can say this now because my Mom is one of my dearest friends. I respect her words, choices, actions and ideas and she in turn, knowing that she gave me the best of her, she gives me that same respect. #winning.
-What are some lessons from your childhood that you would definitely reuse with your child? What are some lessons/discipline that your mother used that you definitely would not?
The relationship between a mother and her daughter is so vital and important, if you have a straining relationship with your mother or daughter, most professionals say to:
1. Communicate. Be clear and talk calmly.
2. Be an active listener. Show and give respect. You may not agree with what you hear but respect one another's feelings.
3. Have realistic expectations. Nobodies perfect & everyone makes mistakes.
4. Repair damage quickly. Unresolved conflicts have tumorous consequences.
Happy Mother's Day to all the Mamas out there reading and subscribing to my blog, and as always thanks for ending your workweek with me!
